For those of you that don’t know, two years ago myself and family had a horrible time. We lost three family members in a short space of time and David nearly lost his mum around the same time. Shes okay now but it was such a heart breaking time.
I was thrown into the deep end realising I was dads only dependant and now I was responsible for everything. His funeral, his house and all of his belongings. Something I’d never really considered before. All whilst feeling completely broken. Everything felt painful. I needed to sell his house but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was dads house – how could I just let go?
It was sixth months after he’d gone before I decided enoughwas enough and I needed to deal with it. I gave up work, moved into Dads anddecided I wanted to change it from dads to mine in order to feel I could let go. I was lucky enough to have savings to fund it.
The plan was to just update it and bring it up to today’s standards. Double glazing, a new bathroom, a new kitchen and sort out the jungle garden to make it more saleable. Neutral, simple and inexpensive.
The biggest problem turned out to be emptying the house. Dad had so much stuff, even my grandparent’s furniture was stored in the living room. I think we must have done over 40 tip runs with just unsaleable furniture, just bits dad kept and also the old kitchen and bathroom.
This made me realise. We need to stop hoarding things too. “that might come in useful one day.” No! A lesson I have learned is being surrounded by too much stuff actually makes me agitated and actually we really need to get rid of stuff completely that we no longer need. So, what did I do…. Moved a load of Dads boxes into ours….aarrghh! I’ll sort it later!
Some of you have followed my progress and I really appreciate your support. Now, after it has been done, I feel it was definitely something I needed to do. I faced all my feelings every day I spent in the house and imagined every day what dads’ opinions would have been of my choices. When planning dads funeral, I was happy to look back at his past and his achievements – looking through old photos, reminiscing about music we listened to together and films we’d seen together and looking through some of his rally memorabilia. It did make me think, “what would people say about me – if I was no longer here”. It really does put life into perspective. It was at that point I felt like I could definitely not go back to my old design job, stuck in an office day after day being dictated to. It has driven me to learn more about business and actually addressing my mindset that has held me back for a long time.
My dad was a smoker and to me the house still smelled like dads house for a long time. It wasn’t until I’d taken up all of the carpets, stain blocked everywhere and plastered over the artex before the smell disappeared. The house gave me the opportunity to work things out on my own, spend time by myself with my own thoughts, be creative and become more confident working with other trades. With my internet access limited to my 500mb of data a month I was also able to have quite a good internet detox – back to reading actual books.
Considering the low budget I am proud of my efforts and so very thankful for David and his help over the weekends. You can have your weekends back now!
Yesterday was an emotional day. I handed over the keys and said goodbye to a house I’d known my whole life. It’s been two years since dad died and the makeover of his house has taught me so much and helped me to grieve.
For any of you who have lost someone – Make sure you do face your feelings. It’s ok to be sad sometimes.
I’ve moved back in with David and now our house resembles a junk shop. Jam packed full of furniture. Normally I find those shops intriguing but as a home it is frustrating. I’ve managed to sell quite a few bits of furniture and I’m happy to report the old Vauxhall Chevette has been rehomed with a Vauxhall fan.
Meanwhile I’m flat out on Rightmove looking for a warehouse home in Somerset to magically appear on the market….
On to the next Chapter….